Ain't misbehavin'...

I found this article through one of the groups on Cafe Mom. (Consensual Living, Respectful Parenting, Non-Coercive Parenting, etc.)

Here's a quote that kinda sums it up:

"I think adults say a child misbehaves whenever some specific action is judged as contrary to how the adult thinks the child should behave. The verdict of misbehavior, then, is clearly a value judgment made by the adult – a label placed on some particular behavior, a negative judgment of what the child is doing. Misbehavior thus is actually a specific action of the child that is seen by the adult as producing an undesirable consequence for the adult. What makes a child's behavior misbehavior (bad behavior) is the perception that the behavior is, or might be, bad behavior for the adult. The "badness'' of the behavior actually resides in the adult's mind, not the child's; the child in fact is doing what he or she chooses or needs to do to satisfy some need."

In other words, when the child's selfishness conflicts with my selfishness, and that bothers me, then I am the one who has a problem and not the child. I am the one who has to overcome my selfishness, to be able to see their selfishness, not as bad, but as normal "need" fulfillment.

Oh, and because it's my problem and not the child's problem, I shouldn't punish him. Or at least I shouldn't use, "power" tactics to deal with the behavior. 'Cuz we all know that "power" tactics break the child's spirit.

Sounds great, doesn't it?