Unanswered questions.

I just don't get what some people are thinking. I had an interview with a potential volunteer for ABB last night. I was expecting to be able to run through the usual drill, explain a little about our services, what volunteer positions that we need to fill, what training will be necessary, the hours you need to commit to, and then have her fill out the forms.

Instead I felt like I was the one being interviewed. But interviewed is too soft a word, it was really more like an interrogation. She rapid-fired questions at me, like she had a specific agenda that she wanted to run through. And they weren't "easy" questions, they were the big questions... the ones that on a good day take an hour or two to really explain in a convincing way.

I felt like I did back when I was joining the Church and had all those, well meaning, fundamentalists trying to "save my soul" and keep me from losing my faith. Just like them she didn't give me a chance to fully answer one question before she was on to the next in her list of "but what if?" extreme scenarios.

She pushed me to be specific, yet didn't really give me time to.

"But what would you say to someone considering an abortion?"

She wasn't satisfied when I said that that's something we learn in the training, she wanted an answer and she wanted it now. Then she wanted stats.

"How many minds have you changed?"

"What percentage of the women who call are seeking an abortion?"

Unfortunately, we don't keep detailed stats, yet. We're working on it, now that we have a database. But my question is, why would you need to know this sort of thing before you volunteer for a place? Or better, why would you need this information on first contact with a place? Why not wait for the specifics during training? At least the for the first question anyway.

Her other more outrageous questions included:

"What would you say to someone who called and said that she was raped and wanted an abortion?"

"What do you tell the clients about birth control?" - Followed by, "You don't tell them about birth control do you?" And then when I told her the answer, chastity counseling for single woman and NFP for married woman, she shot back a line of NFP questions.

"What's that?"

"Do you know anyone who practices that and finds it effective? My cousin used it and had twelve kids..."

"What's the difference between NFP and birth control? I don't see any difference. Do you see a difference?"

I told her about a study done in India which found effectiveness to be 99%. I mentioned this to show that even in places where the participants had less overall education, effectiveness was still high. Even after learning this, and hearing that the Pill can cause an early abortion, she still asked the following question:

"Oh, but what about the poor women in Africa, can you actually say that they shouldn't have the Pill? Those women who are so malnourished that they can't even produce milk for their babies and have to watch their children starve, one after another, shouldn't they have birth control? I'm not trying to argue here, I'm just trying to help you."

Argh. So what do you say to thinking like that? The person has already decided that certain things are true, and will come up with any situation, however extreme, where her view might be justified. And she doesn't really care to hear any explanation that goes against her already decided opinion.

I really do feel badly about it all. Given her age, I imagine that she is in that group of people who was told "the Church is changing the ban on contraceptives..." or "follow your conscience...." Maybe she used birth control herself; maybe she was even told by a priest that it was ok. Or maybe a friend was in one of the unfortunate situations she brought up.

It's harder then, to do the right thing, when you see the suffering that doing the right thing will cause. And it will often cause suffering of one kind or another to do the right thing. Especially when it comes to an crisis pregnancy. This is no easy way out of that situation. There are only moral and immoral choices, and suffering in one form or another.

And that is where we come in. Anyone who works at a crisis pregnancy center knows that our job is mostly just listening while a woman talks out her anger, sadness, fears and heartaches. We do all we can to ease the pain, but we can't ever take it away completely. All the resources we provide can't make the situation go away. And there is fallout for each of the choices that she could make.

Only God can bring good out of these situations, and that's why we encourage the woman we speak with to turn to God for comfort and solace in this trying time. Going against God's laws in an attempt to solve the hardship that these women face, would be doing them a disservice. For there is only more suffering to be had when we choose sin.

As for the questions that the woman asked, I do have answers, but I think most of you don't need to be convinced that abortion in any situation is wrong, and that contraceptives are not only wrong, but they are not the answer to the problems in Africa. However, if anyone wants to hear some explanations of these situations, just ask me. And I'll try to post some answers.

But please, if you ask, take time to listen to the answer.